Spouses & Partners of Sex Addicts
 Isolation, embarrassment, anger, loneliness, humiliation and desperation are just a few of the damaging emotions experienced by the wives and girlfriends of sex addicts. They are not only deeply affected by the behaviors of their partners, but also live in a perpetual state of crisis. They blame themselves for the sex addict’s behavior and may even enter into sexual activities that are outside of their value system or desires, only to realize that while this participation had little or no impact on alleviating their partner’s behavior, their own feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness have increased dramatically. And although the sex addict’s behavior is absolutely not the wife’s or girlfriend’s fault, phrases like, “if you were only giving me more sex I wouldn’t be this way” are used as a smoke screen to excuse the addict’s escalating behavior and to hide their own guilt and shame. Lies, deception, blame and cover-ups play a big part in sexual addiction.
In reality, the types and amounts of sexual activity a sex addict has with his partner has little to do with the addiction, and even less to do with love. The addict is controlled by a compulsive cycle that develops from impaired beliefs, avoidance of intimacy, obsession with fantasy, sexual acting out and finally from despair. But the feelings of low self-esteem experienced by the sex addict’s wife or girlfriend can lead to other problems. Overeating, shopping to excess, isolation, seeking other partners, numbing the pain with drugs and/or alcohol and an obsession with ’fixing’ their partner are just a few of the destructive behaviors used to mask the anger, pain and hurt associated with being in a relationship with a sex addict. These signals may also be indicators of even deeper problems that began long before involvement with the addict, and could stem from a subconscious desire to fix an unresolved, problematic relationship in their own past that may have occurred as early as childhood. Wives and girlfriends of sex addicts also frequently incorrectly assume that the problem is exclusively their partner’s, which is not the case. Sex addiction is a complicated and painful situation, but with dedication and hard work both people involved can immerge able to build a stronger, healthier life together. THE ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT Individualized, results-oriented treatment will enable you to heal from the trauma and live a balanced, stable emotional life. |
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