Accountability

To build trust the one who broke the trust must be willing to have their partner hold them accountable to all information needed to reassure trustworthiness.  This includes passwords, access to emails, websites, correspondence, statements, voice mail and cell phone records.  The perpetrator may have to change jobs if it means not being triggered to harm the relationship again.   As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “We must be willing to go to any length to get it.”

Boundaries

People who break trust often believe they are still in control and do not need to be held accountable.  Denial will not help end a cycle of lying, betrayal, entitlement and justification for breaking the trust again.  Therefore, boundaries must be put into place to prevent future breaches. Sometimes there are hard choice to be made like changing jobs, cities, neighborhoods and friends.   Those that do repair their relationships develop a new sense of life-style balance and spirituality.  To achieve the goal of reclaiming themselves and in turn repairing the relationship, family members must establish limits that the trust breaker will adhere to:

• The “trust victim” must be willing to take responsibility for self-care.
• Ongoing support from someone outside the immediate relationship that can give the partner an independent evaluation of the situation and an emotional perspective on how to move forward.
• Abandon power struggles in the relationship.  Respect differences and embrace uniqueness.
• Boundaries must be expressed clearly and understood by both parties.